Tears

Potsdam, Germany
10:30 pm
Clear night – many stars

Writing this is actually really hard for me. A baby died at work. It’s not something like that hasn’t happened before but this is different. The baby came to us grey and wheezing, I did everything the doc told me to till the ICU nurses took it into their care, 30 minutes later the short life ended. It moves me to tears every time I think about it. Like right now, I am crying. It happened so fast, almost as if it wasn’t real. But the grief in the mother’s eyes, the tears that our youngest doctor cried, everything was real.

The good thing is that I was able to function – the doc ordered – I did it. The bad thing is nothing could have helped the baby.

And after it died, we had to put away and keep working, which was easier than I thought. But at home, most of us collapsed in ourselves. Like a heavy weight that was suddenly trust on us.

The whole team had problems coping, so we talked today. About what we felt, what we still feel most. It helped me because I knew that I wasn’t the only one replaying everything for hours after I got home. I wasn’t the only one thinking that if I might have done something different, would the baby still live. I wasn’t the only feeling devastated, for all the great medicines that we have, there are still limits.

If you look up to the night sky tonight, you just might see a new star shining down on us.

Andrea

News and no news

Potsdam, Germany
06:30pm
Sunny side of Potsdam

Hello you,

It’s been awhile since New York and lots of things have happened. The last post was a long overdue update about my latest US Trip. I wrote most of it when I was still in Indiana, but up until today had no time to post it.

Life is quiet. Sis is single again and I think broke Patrick’s younger brother’s heart. Long story. Don’t get me started!

Patrick is at the moment sitting on his lazy butt and doesn’t know what to do at the moment (which job, another education….). That boy drives me nuts!!

Work is stressful, but it feels good to be back. I think I would not be able to live without working. I don’t have to have clinic life for the rest of my life, but I need to do something.

Some friends have been asking about my love life again. I am still single. There is no one currently that I am interested in. Sorry. Stop pestering me – it’s frustrating enough!

We have a TV Show that’s called “Auf und Davon” and is about young ppl leaving their home to go to another country, as au pair, student, trainee etc. They had a young woman that went to India (New Delhi) for three month as a trainee at a kinder garden. The first impressions she gathered where about traffic, way too many people and she was clutching her purse very hard (afraid to be mugged). I laughed watching her, because I was reminded of my trip to Chennai last year. In some aspects I could sympathizes and in others I wondered whether she had read anything about India prior to her visit.

I will definitely go back to India at one point in my life and will travel around the country more. BTW, miss you, Weiss guys.

I will spend some time at my Dad’s next week after 5 days of night shift. I am really looking forward to some breathing time.

Much Love,
Rea

P.S.: I recently rediscovered one of my first music vids. Enjoy!

More USA - belated update

Indianapolis, USA
12:40pm
Icy outside, warm inside

Hello, hello and hello!

I am just sitting here in a student support room at a High school in Indianapolis.

Let me start in the beginning. Patrick and I went to Indiana on the 3rd and when we arrived everything was white with snow and it was icy compared to NY City.

We spend the first week just relaxing and visiting some of the local Museums as well as some of the local shopping areas. For those of you who haven’t been to Indianapolis, you might wanna visit the Indiana State Museum (lots of things to see and do),

the Eiteljorg Museum (Native Indian Arts and History)

and the Children’s Museum is definitely something to see

(Chihula’s glass art, be a fish in a corral reef, explore the mummy and so much more!).

Colleen took me to work today and I always enjoy these ventures into High school teaching.

The first time was at CHS, which is a private school and classes had a lot more respect (maybe because most of them really wanted to learn in order to be able to go to a good college). At my last visit Colleen taught at Franklin College and did some private classes. I enjoyed both even more. The Ladies at Franklin were willing students who planned a trip to Europe and had tons of questions about Germany. Private teaching has its upside because you do one on one teaching. That’s were Colleen met Marky, who’s now a happy member of the Taber family.

Now, to my recent experience with public High School German classes: wow. The buildings are quite nice, the teachers I’ve met (especially one of the Spanish teachers – Hola!!) were very nice and some quite charming. The students are a different matter. I guess you have the same types of student as in any other school, though I felt it was more extreme. You have the quiet, shy kid that needs some prompting but actually knows more then he thinks. There’s the loud kid that seems to hide his real personality. There’s the smart one, who does what he’s told and much more. There are rich brats that don’t really know why they should try to understand something. The hyperactive clown of the class. The sulker (is that even a word). Colleen is a teacher with all her heart and you have to be in order to keep up with those kids. Some have no respect, no manners. Some need to be drawn out of their shells. Some need extra help. I was beat after one day, but she does that every week. Mrs. C. you have my utter respect!!

Patrick stayed till the 10th and I drove him up to Chicago. On our way there, we stopped at a Farm, where you can buy there cheese and other merchandise, feed cow, watch cheese being made. We had vanilla cheese cake, which was awesome and I got chocolate milk, which was rich and more than yummy!

Chicago was rainy, sadly so, and I wasn’t prepared – wrong sneakers! We parked at the Millennium Park, where kids were skating,

got tickets for “Wicked” and walked up to Navy Pier.

Around five I drove to the hostel, where I had booked a bed for one night (Patty’s flight to New Mexico left at 2 am!). I was more than annoyed by that time, wet socks, no parking, unfriendly personal, old creaky beds and don’t get me started on the hygiene.

So we went to see “Wicked” which is more than awesome. I fell in love with the Musical instantly.

I drove him to the airport and stayed till about 1:30am and then reluctantly left for the hostel. I slept till 8am and as soon as I could left that dreaded place. The neighbour hood was kinda nice though. I had breakfast at a small café that had French bread, cheese and coffee. I was finally able to relax.

The week without Patty was nice too, because I could do what I wanted to. We had a pre birthday dinner (Melinda’s) at a very rustical restaurant – awesome food, great company.

I met Tawny and finally her husband and son, too. The three of us had lunch and went to the State Fair grounds to go to a reptile exhibition. Usually, snakes are not something I enjoy, but I found out that they are soft, gentle creatures and it amazed me how fearless Owen (her son) looked at them and touched them. Who knows, I might even get a snake at one point in my life.

Colleen and I were also able to meet with Sonya. She’s a Russian artist and one of the most delightful women I have ever met. We talked till the sandwich store closed. I love both of these women very much; they are smart, funny and full of life! The three of us laughed a lot. I draw a lot of strength from this kind of friendship.

Colleen was sick during my stay, first with some kind of flu and she later experienced facial paralysis. It has not really gotten better and her hearing in one ear is disabled, too. Surprisingly she has been able to overcome that disability and found someway to see it as a wake up call to start living her life more actively again.

I already miss the US very much and still have not given up on my dream of one day living in Indiana.

Thank you Mark, Colleen, Chris and Melinda for having Patrick and me. I always feel like coming home and rather as part of the family than a guest.

A big hug to Sonya – I miss you!

Another big hug goes to Tawny and her family – you guys are delightful!

Love,
Rea

P.S.: This year's rental.