Feeling Low

I am feeling pretty sad and kind depressed today. This was brought on by a song I listened to. It is so beautiful and it just struck me in the chest.

I am anxious to leave Germany. The day I finally leave will be one of the happiest days of my life. The people around me are depressing themselves, looking grim, looking hopeless and smiling at a complete stranger (which is what I usually do) makes them look at you like you’re a nut case.

I am also tired of being alone and terribly afraid of growing old all by myself without having felt real love. Yes, I have loved and been loved, though mostly by friends and family. There are days that this isn’t enough.

I miss having someone to meet with to talk English. Just chat, have a cup of coffee and listen to what is going on in their life. There are friends that live in Europe and that I can call on the phone, but you know it’s not the same. I want to hold Chris’s baby, dance with Eliza, share a joke with Sonya and Colleen over a homemade salad and watch Renu in action.

Its unsatisfying knowing that money is keeping me from doing that. Have you ever imagined what it would be to live without money? I know, that some people think that it would give all those lazy butts a reason to stay home and do nothing. But I think about unlimited traveling. About those people that crave an education so badly, but either can’t afford it or are not allowed one because of the color of their skin or maybe the way they look. And yes, prejudice is still going on nowadays. Sometimes stronger than ever. Sorry, back to topic. I would work. Because I love what I am doing. And I do know that there are millions of people thinking the same way. What a dream.

I wish on every shooting star that people’s dreams come true. That my dreams come true.


Rea